DEAR ABBY: I’m a 23-year-old college graduate who was lucky enough to land a job in my field of study. The job is located in my hometown. Because I couldn’t afford my own apartment, I moved back in with my parents. The situation was supposed to be temporary, but now that I can afford to move out, my parents insist that I stay with them. They forbid me to move until I pay off the entirety of my student loans, which will take years. Then, after I accomplish that, they want me to start repaying them for the loans THEY took out for my schooling.
I can afford to rent an apartment and meet my monthly loan payments, but my parents have threatened to repossess the car they bought me for graduation if I move out. Unfortunately, my job requires me to have transportation.
I love my parents, and I want to help shoulder the burden I placed on them by choosing to attend college, but I feel I’m being manipulated. Also, my boyfriend — whom I love very much — recently asked me to move in with him, but I’m afraid of how my parents would react if I said yes. Under the circumstances, is it selfish to want to move into my own place? What should I do? — TRYING TO FLY THE NEST
DEAR TRYING: It appears your parents want to keep their little girl at home and under their thumbs. At 23, you are an adult and entitled to live independently (or with your boyfriend) if you wish. What was the original agreement you had with your parents about the college loans they took out? If it wasn’t what they are saying now, I would agree that their demands are manipulative.
A discussion with a financial expert might help you find a way to pay off your student loans in an effective and timely manner. As for your job, if there is no public transportation, you will have to find some other means of getting around unless the car is titled in your name.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a widowed man. I have great neighbors, but I’m increasingly bothered by this circumstance: The wife of one couple constantly criticizes her husband in front of me and other neighbors. The issues are small, but the jabs are constant. Every couple has disagreements, but in my experience, not in such a public way. In response, the husband looks angry, hurt or both, but he says nothing.
I have been friends with this couple for 10 years, but I’m starting to keep my distance because I don’t want to listen to her petty attacks. Should I say something privately to her? To him? If I do, what should I say? Or should I just mind my own business? It seems wrong to “ghost” them without any explanation. — TIRED OF HEARING IT IN TEXAS
DEAR TIRED: Do not ghost the couple without an explanation. Tell the husband you would like to socialize with him without his wife. (“Just the guys.”) He might welcome it. If the wife asks you why you aren’t around anymore, which she probably won’t, tell her the truth.
DEAR READERS: I wish you all a happy and healthy Fourth of July. Please drive carefully and celebrate safely.
P.S. Wishing a Happy Heavenly Birthday to you, Mom! — LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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